Defining Purpose
It’s a challenge starting a platform, about purpose, without having a working definition of purpose. In this post we’ll define purpose and explore fear around defining it. I’ll follow up a with a later post with my purpose manifesto, and tools for you to create your own. Disclaimer: I had to get past the fear that said, “Who are YOU to be writing about purpose for others? What special insight do you have that others don’t?” I had to move past that resistance to get these words down.
With that disclaimer, let’s get to the task at hand. Let’s start with the general definition of purpose and then look at what does it mean to you and me. The first obvious step is to ask Google. The following definition of purpose is provided:
The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
or a person’s sense of resolve or determination.
I think both of these definitions combined start to capture the essence of purpose. It’s about a reason for being here, and the determination to go after it. So let’s assume the following synthesized definition: Purpose is your reason for existence and your resolve to express that reason. Or simply: Reason + Resolve = Purpose. This is a good start, but I don’t believe that’s the whole equation.
I believe another aspect of our reason is an inherent drive to help others. Now, this is not part of the dictionary definition, but I think it’s an intrinsic and often overlooked part of one’s purpose. This desire to serve may be a an expression of our soul or perhaps it’s hardwired into our human DNA and expresses itself as instinct. Either way, I believe purpose is intertwined with being in service of others. Ghandi agrees:
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
- Ghandi
I’ve found in my coaching of others, I’ve been able to flex this service muscle, and have found helping others makes me feel more alive and whole. Going back to the definition then: Purpose is your reason for existence, in service to others and your resolve to express that reason, or simply: Reason + Service + Resolve = Purpose.
I think you can have many different purposes, like get married, having a family, providing for them, and serving others as part of your career. All of those pieces are important for defining who you are, where you’re going and how to get there. However, I believe investigation, introspection and meditation are needed to guide you to a singular purpose statement that is an expression of your inner intuition. This statement can provide you with inspiration to be your best self and provide a framework for making decisions daily.
Our Purpose is Not the Safe Route
To define purpose can be scary, but ignoring it scarier as it leads us to numb ourselves. Many of us are used to muffling and strangling our inner intuition. It can be a challenge to stop that suffocating behavior. Realizing our potential and striving for our best selves is scary because of fear of failure or unworthiness. We think we’ll fail or we don’t deserve to be amazing versions of ourselves. We cause ourselves pain by quieting that voice and listening to the others voices in our head and in our lives. It’s as if we’re in a self-imposed cage of expectations and fear. Our work is to see this self-imposed cage, unlock it, and walk out of it towards the path of purpose.
We’re in a self-imposed cage of expectations and fear. Our work is to see this self-imposed cage, unlock it, and walk out of it towards the path of purpose.
One of my guiding voices to date, that I’ve paid a lot of attention to, is the fear of not having security. Security to me on the outside, means making good money, having a nice place to live, and having a stable career. As I’m in my late thirties, I realize that’s been a safe route. This fear has also led me to try to secure my emotional state, to build walls to protect my emotions, and close myself off to others. I imagine I am not alone in choosing a safe route. On the outside I’ve got a challenging job that pays well, I have a great apartment in the heart of New York and great relationship with my fiance. Many on the outside would be envious of where I am. I am so lucky, fortunate and am grateful for what I have, but there is a lot more of myself that I need to express and explore. I know this expression can serve others in their path.
The problem is this safe route doesn’t promote self growth or cultivation of purpose. The safe route doesn’t usually correspond with our reason for why we exist. I often get that feeling that something is off, or that I’m not living life to the fullest. Ignoring my purpose can lead me to use alcohol to devolve into a less connected state, where my brain can enjoy turning off some of the voices and listen only to the basic impulsive animal inside me. And that temporarily numbs the feeling of dissatisfaction, to create a temporary break from the disconnect I feel. The irony is disconnecting in this way, to avoid the feeling of disconnect, just creates a vicious cycle which increases overall anxiety, angst and self misalignment. I’m not saying you or I shouldn’t drink. But being conscious of the why, frequency, and amount is necessary to ensure that alcohol or any other numbing device like internet, television, shopping, or drugs does not become one of the composite materials in the bars of or our self imposed cage. Being present, and working to connect is the groundwork for purpose work, to be able to dial up the volume, to hear your reason louder and louder, and to act on purpose.
I don’t believe we have a predestined plan. However, I think inherent in all of us, is a drive to express ourselves fully and optimally. There is a best version of ourselves we should align our thoughts and actions with. The more we tap into it, the more our lives become exciting, fun and more fulfilling. So the goal should be to understand what our purpose is, define our individual purpose, become aware of the voices that keep us caged in, and then unlock that cage to move towards our purpose driven path.
Well I hope this post served it’s purpose of helping me define purpose in the context of this platform, and helping you ask yourselves some tough questions about yours.