In a coaching session I was talking about my fantasy to live abroad.
Imagine living in a tropical place, partner and kids in tow with less hustle and bustle, learning a new language and opening up to a new culture and way of being.
Sounds nice right?
Where I got called out, was referring to this as a fantasy.
By allocating it to a fantasy as opposed to a goal or a vision, I was already in my mind suppressing this desire.
I was suppressing it, because I know it scares it my wife (and me too if I’m being honest).
The thought of being away from her family and away from a medical system we’re a part of is not enticing for her. I get that.
Have you ever wanted something real bad, but then gave up on that dream to “make someone else happy”?
The scarier thing here, is me being ok with suppressing what I want, and allocating it to fantasy instead of being brave for my vision.
Continuing down the path of repression leads to resentment.
And resentment turns into toxic energy into the body that gets released in ugly ways.
For me to to stand in my power, I need to follow the five steps for relationship architecture (a work in progress – sounds a bit too corporate at the moment):
- Define and Refine the Vision
- Communicate The Vision
- Create Action Plan for that Vision
- Have Hard Conversations With Structure and Love
- Analyze, Evaluate and Repeat the Cycle
It took a long time for me to realize how much decision making I did was based on external validation instead of internal validation.
As Ghandi said, happiness is when your thoughts, actions and words are aligned. If your decisions are not aligned with your internal compass, it’s a recipe for unhappiness.
My family and I may or may not live abroad in the future.
The important thing for me right now is to communicate an inspiring vision, have the difficult conversations around how we could do it financially and logistically, and then come up with an action plan, like a test vacation and selecting less risky destinations.
Where in your life have you given up on a dream because you and a partner, or you as son or daughter, or as an employee have worked to “keep the peace” instead of “rocking the boat”?
Where are you currently not standing up for what you want and instead making decisions you think others will want?
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